Talking Penguins and Singing Komodos

Note: This is my most recent post for a group that I blog with on myspace called "Blogophilia." Each week, there is a challenge with bonus points given for including them in your write. I think you'll enjoy this one. I often write blogs from my cat Tommy's point of view, and my myspace friends really seem to enjoy them. (In fact, I might have to give Tommy his own myspace page if his popularity continues to grow!) I hope you like this, I had fun doing it. Merry Christmas and Happy Holidays to all!!

Blogophilia 42.2 Topic: "Hair of the Dog that Bit Me"

Bonus points

(hard, 2 pts): mention a former diplomat of the ....USA.... (NOT someone stationed here for another country)
(easy, 1 pt): include a speaking penguin

Final date to post Dec. 21st, 2009 midnight GMT

Talking Penguins and Singing Komodos

Yo, it’s Tommy! I’m having lots of fun around the house, now that Christmas is only a week away. I heard Dad say to Mom the other day, “This place looks like a gift shop.” I think that’s a very accurate description (even though technically I’ve never been inside a gift shop.) There are so many new hiding places and familiar toys to play with around here. Mom has transformed this place into a virtual Christmas wonderland. It’s a cat’s dream come true, I tell ya.

The penguin brigade has certainly grown. You see, my Mom has a miniature park bench set up by the piano where three stuffed penguins sit year round. Their names are Willy, Frosty and Henry Kissinger. But wait…. the year round penguins are now standing behind the park bench, and some newcomers have taken their place!

I decide to move in to get a little closer look. I sniff all of them, after all, that’s my job. They all seem familiar. The newer Christmas penguins have a cardboard box odor, probably from being in storage for close to a year. Harmless enough, I thought, until one of them opened their mouths.....

“Hey, check out this out!” Penny the penguin boasts as she jumps aboard her wooden sled. She was the smallest of the brigade, and the only one that could fit on the sled. “Look at me!!!!!”

“What? Hey listen... dude, you can’t sled on Berber carpet,” I retorted, but she wasn’t listening to me. But magically, the sled began to slide across the carpet until it ran smack dab into me. Too close for comfort!

“Ouch! Watch where you’re going, moron!” I yelled, withdrawing my paws, getting my claws ready to swat at her.

Out of nowhere, Squawky the penguin started waddling towards me, flapping her wings and squawking up a storm. She’s getting right up in my face, and I have to admit it unnerves me a bit. I guess she’s just doing what mothers do best, defending her baby from imminent danger.

“Stop! Stop! Get away from my child!” she screams at me, ferociously flapping her wings.

Oh God, I'm screwed! A talking penguin? I try to fake an innocent look. “But I didn’t do anything. I’m just a bystander!”

“Squawk! Squawk! That’s what they all say! Back off, Jack!”

“You’ve got it all wrong! It was my sister, Jordan. See that big white puffball over there in the corner?” I replied, pointing my paw in her direction.

Squawky did a 180 and proceeded to waddle towards Jordan, who had backed herself into a corner. She was clearly more afraid of this talking penguin than I was. Her green eyes were wide with terror. No sooner did Squawky start to open her mouth, Jordan was leaping out of her way.

“Haaa haaa!!! What a fraidy cat!” she taunted Jordan, who proceeded to hide beneath the dining room table.

Suddenly I saw a large green komodo dragon lumbering down the hallway. It was moving slow compared to Squawky. Then it opened its lizard mouth and began to sing.

“Feliz Navidad, Feliz Navidad! Prospero Ano y Felicidad!” the thing sang in perfect key.

I glanced over at Jordan. She was keeping her distance, but by now her hair was standing on end. I was clearly concerned for her. “You okay, Jordy?”

“Hell no! All of this is freaking me out. I need a little hair of the dog that bit me. Think you can persuade Mom to break out the catnip?”

I sighed. “No way! You know she won’t do it, she just cleaned the tile floors. No amount of begging or pleading is going to work. Believe me, I’ve tried it before! I could sit all day beside the closet where the catnip is stored, flashing my sad little cat eyes… NOT GONNA HAPPEN!”

I held my ground as the dragon passed Jordan by and made his way over to me.

“My name is Jose. I wanna wish you a Merry Christmas from the bottom of my heart!” he crooned, wagging his massive tail as he sang.....

Okay, this is starting to creep me out. First talking penguins and now singing komodo dragons? What is the world coming to? I slowly back away from the komodo dragon. When I reach a safe distance, I turn towards the year round penguins whom I share the house with the entire year.

“Henry Kissinger, we need your help!”

The unflappable Henry waddled over to me, and I appealed to his sense of diplomacy. He was a wise old penguin, somber and of few words. But he had successfully mediated so many conflicts for me in the past, when I’d taken on small lizards and dragonflies buzzing inside the house. He even made peace between me and the scarecrows, which just packed up and left a few weeks ago.

“Listen, Tommy. This house is big enough for all of us to peacefully coexist. All you need to do is steer clear of the little penguins. No need to be sniffing around them, you know they only come around during Christmas season. Hang tight, and in a few weeks, Mom will be packing them back up & putting them in storage the rest of the year.”

I sighed. “Okay, I suppose you’re right. I’ll back off. Could you also tell that komodo dragon to knock off the singing? I tell you, that is the cheesiest excuse of a Christmas song!”

Henry nodded in agreement. Hmmm ...I think to myself. Henry knows so much and he’s so worldly. I wonder if he has connections. I'm feeling a little stressed and Jordan is jonesin', so I bend in a little closer and whisper discreetly in his ear.

"One more thing... Dude, you got any catnip?”

Colleen M. Breuning © 2009

December 18, 2009